When you’re involved in a divorce, it may seem like the changes are overwhelming. But no matter how contentious you and your spouse may be, your children’s physical and emotional safety should be foremost in both of your minds. Here are some guidelines that may help you to navigate the co-parenting journey.
Co-Parenting Begins with Separation
Your children will sense the difference between you and your spouse, no matter how cordial you both try to be. If possible, you and your spouse should do your best to agree that the children’s stability and safety should come first. In the beginning, the fewest changes possible for the children may be in their best interest.
Many couples, at this stage, initiate a temporary custody agreement. This agreement should spell out which parent is responsible for which part of the children’s lives. Statistics say 90% of parents can agree on the terms of child custody without a judge’s ruling, and this is a great way to remain amicable if you’re capable.
Finalization of Custody Details
If you and your spouse have agreed on a temporary custody agreement, the necessary details may be easily settled. However, it’s not always easy – and each state may demand a different degree of detail for the final custody agreement. For example, a Maryland court order will specify where the children will live. The same court will also spell out the amount of time each parent can spend with the children and the authority each parent will be granted to make decisions affecting the children’s lives.
As the divorce proceedings draw to a close, the final details of the custody agreement will be legalized. One aspect of this is the amount of child custody payments. According to Legal Jobs, more than half of mothers with custody of their children have child support agreements as part of their divorce settlement. In contrast, only 30% of fathers are awarded child support.
A Plan for Co-Parenting
Your children can benefit from time spent with both parents. Co-parenting is an agreement between spouses that both spouses will be partners in all aspects of their children’s lives. Some parents will live in the same area, so their children can spend time in each parent’s home without disrupting school arrangements.
When children spend time with both parents, it will strengthen their relationship with both parents. There may be snags in the agreement and adjustments may be ongoing but, with an effort from both of you, your children will benefit from the consistency of house rules you both agree to. Your children will also see your ability to agree on decisions for their welfare as an example of how to work in harmony with someone with whom you disagree.
Tips for Successful Co-Parenting
While you and your spouse are negotiating the terms of co-parenting, it’s understandable for you to have conflicting emotions. You will adjust to a new role with your spouse; while you were once their partner, you are now co-parents. No matter the sincerity of your intentions, conflicts are likely to arise. While respecting each other’s new boundaries and keeping your children’s welfare foremost, you can resolve your disputes.
If you make a co-parenting agreement and find it is causing significant conflict, don’t hesitate to talk with a family counselor. A neutral person with experience in family problems can listen to every family member and help find a way to work through their feelings. With the counselor’s help, the whole family will see how to become comfortable with the new family structure.
Divorce is never a straightforward procedure. If children are involved, they are often the ones most unsettled by the process. If you and your spouse can agree on a co-parenting framework, you can forge an emotional survival kit for them. Together, you will continue to parent your children, albeit from separate places.
