When you announce you are getting married everyone is filled with joy and anticipation of the impending nuptials but very few will tell you how it really is.
Days are filled with shopping for everything from the wedding dress and flowers to the kettle and toaster for your new home. It is so easy to get swept along in a bubble of happiness without knowing that not everything is going to be roses. What I found was that for a long time everything was perfect, it was exactly like I thought it should be, we were a new family unit with babies and a home. We were building our lives and although some times were tough we knew we were in it together.
Over the years life takes it toll on not only you physically and mentally but your relationship. Resentment can sink in and if you don’t address it this early on that is when problems start. If you both agree then the first steps should be sitting down together and talking things through, a good honest conversation often solves a lot of miscommunication. The best kind of relationship is one where you can open up to each other and discuss those things that can play on your mind. Resentment builds up when you only have one side of the story and to be honest a lot of issues can be sorted if you simply talk, whether that be to yourself or to another.
The next step could be mediation. Reach out to an external influence, such as ReGain, or a free marriage counseling service and see if having someone who is impartial can hear you both out. Often it is simply a case of locking heads and not seeing the others point of view, a third party could be exactly what you need to bring those issues to the forefront without negativity or finger pointing.
Therapy is always a good option and to be honest I really do think that before things broke down in our marriage we should have taken some steps to have counseling or therapy of some point. Thankfully we were together over 23 years so by the time we decided to split we were able to be friends and work together for a solution for our family rather than fight it out. Looking back though it would have been a better idea for us to seek outside help and take advice from a professional. Life is difficult and we have been through losing a business, home and car, the birth of 6 children and loss of a 7th. Family members passing away and also moving home further away from support put more strain on our marriage. We have both admitted that maybe we gave up when we should have worked harder but here we are. A new situation for everyone and something that might not have needed to happen had we sat down with someone else and talked things through.
There is always a way around problems you just need to be willing to work at it.
