If its not yours IT SHOULD BE! Whether it be a piece of clothing, scrap of food, toothbrush…whatever, if its someone elses then you HAVE to try it out immediately and if they wont let you then you must show what kind of tantrum that equates to! The smaller the item the bigger the hissy fit!
Insist on walking everywhere but within 2 minutes of walking BEG to be carried! Those little legs just don’t work as long as you think they will – actually, just make sure not to bring the buggy so that you end up being carried everywhere anyway!
Its never nap time when it should be nap time! Always choose the most inconvenient time possible for a nap, whether that be during the school run (which means having to be moved thus having to wake you up resulting in grumpy child) or during a movie/that one programme mummy likes to watch (thus resulting in worn out mummy who lies with you on the sofa nice and warm!)
All food must be shown on clothing and face! Every piece of anything resembling food must be rubbed, scrubbed or dribbled onto clothing so that everyone know what has been eaten at any point during the day. Thus resulting in numerous clothe changes or ending the day looking like a Picasso painting.
Mummy must always be hugged at all times by one one child… YOU – said toddler! No other child can go near mummy, no other child can talk to mummy without toddlers permission and definitely no one can sit on the same sofa as mummy….until daddy comes home then mummy is used goods and can be cast aside for other children to do with as they please!
Every food is yack… until it is on someone else plate then it must be eaten with gusto!
Everything dangerous or downright silly is incredibly funny! Jumping from the sofa to the chair and back again creates such belly laughs and is hilarious! Mummy hides behind her fingers and piles up cushions around you while wondering when social services are going to be knocking on the door – but its still just too funny to stop!
Hiding must result in being the last one found. Even though little feet are poking out from under curtains and giggles can be heard from behind the rocking horse. You MUST be the last one found after what feels like hours of “where are you hiding” and “OMGoodness we are never going to find her” IGNORE THEM! THEY DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU! ARE THEY ARE TRICKING YOU!
Get whatever it is mummy/daddy is looking for before anyone else does. Woe be tide if anyone else finds it first – OK so they can FIND it but they aren’t allowed to pass it to mummy or daddy…..screaming fit is the only answer in this instance until the item is given to you (aforementioned toddler) and THEN passed to mummy or daddy!
Never wear matching clothes! A tutu with wellies – good choice! A stripy jumper, spotty leggings and sparkly dance shoes – nice! Fairy costume and woolly tights with trainers – of course you can go to the shops looking like that, why not! AND DON’T LET THEM TELL YOU OTHERWISE – YOU ROCK!