Since the first successful gestational surrogacy in 1985-86, surrogacy has become quite popular amongst intended parents who cannot carry a pregnancy on their own safely. Surrogacy is a demanding and time-consuming process with many factors involved. However, one question that is commonly raised is whether the surrogate will get attached with the baby she is carrying. The implied concern here is, what if the surrogate gets too attached to the baby and decides to keep the baby to herself.
The concern is valid since the surrogate mother carries the baby for 9+ months in her womb. It’s only natural that she would make a bond with the life she is growing inside her.
There is no one line answer here. The truth is, while the surrogate has an emotional bond with the baby, they do understand their role in the process and are ready to hand over the baby to the legal parents. Let’s see why.
Surrogates are motivated to help someone become parents
The very motivation of a surrogate is to help someone become a parent. Clearly, keeping a baby to herself conflicts with the cause.
Most women become surrogates because they have firsthand witnessed the infertility struggle in their family or friend circle. Moreover, in most gestational surrogacy, the surrogate already has at least one child of hers. This helps her to realize what a baby means to the intended parents.
She has her own children
As said earlier, most surrogacy contact requires the surrogate to have given birth to at least one child of her own. Generally, surrogates already have two or three children and don’t want to grow their family any further. Thus, they really don’t have a reason to keep the baby.
Surrogates are mentally prepared
A surrogate mother enters the journey knowing her role very well. Before she signs up to become a surrogate, she is interviewed a few times, undergoes psychological evaluation and has to profess her motivation for pursuing this journey.
All this ensures she is emotionally ready to give the baby’s custody to the parents.
Surrogates sign legal agreement
Even though a surrogate is menattly prepared to hand over the baby upon delivery, the legal agreement binds all parties right and responsibilities. So, the surrogate is legally bound to give up the baby.
Ok, then why do I hear the negative stories
No doubt there have been cases where the surrogate decided to keep the baby to herself. And there is a common string in those cases. Let’s try to understand them.
If you research the cases where the surrogate mother tried to keep the surrogate baby to herself, you would one of the followings:1. There weren’t any solid legal agreement in place 2. The surrogate didn’t undergo any emotional evaluation or psychological screening3. The surrogate did not have her own child or had a pregnancy before when becoming a surrogate 4. It was a traditional surrogacy where the surrogate was a close relative of the intended parents
Clearly, all these scenarios leave a space for discords to grow. This is also the reason why gestational surrogacy has become the preferred method today and it’s best to find a responsible gestational surrogate through a surrogacy agency like Physician’s Surrogacy.
One more thing you should keep in mind when reading these stories. Thousands of surrogacy processes take place every year and the number is only growing. Still, you would stumble upon a handful of such negative cases that are covered and sensationalized by the media. We do hope that surrogacy will get rid of those stigma very soon.
Surrogates go through a lot of physical and emotional discomfort. She had to use the bathroom every 5 minutes, bear a bad heartburn that she couldn’t eat, and had to wake up with morning sickness. This is not an easy task.
It’s only understandable if the surrogate grows a bond with the baby. In the end, she is driven by the compassion to help hopeful parents have a baby.
